Some of you may be aware of how much I enjoy trying to get ready in the morning these days now that Daddy is once again employed and out of the house early. I've been unsuccessful thus far in getting ready before Daddy leaves, so each morning that I need to be out of the house at a decent time is challenging, to put it mildly.
Lest you think I'm being dramatic, I'd like to share with you my morning. It was one of the more entertaining mornings in recent memory ...
Before I share this story with you, I need to warn you that some may be disturbed by some of the things I'm about to share. Those of you who have been blessed with two-year-olds -- specifically two-year-old boys -- will probably just laugh and nod knowingly. For those of you who read my story and think, "I will never let my child do that!" I say, "Just wait." Now, without further ado ...
This morning, as with other mornings, involved me negotiating with Allen to go upstairs with me. Surprisingly, this morning was fairly easy. I just had to lure him up with food (specifically, a Sunny Days snack bar and SpongeBob juice treats). We got upstairs and got him settled with his milk, snacks, cars, and Tigger and Pooh show ... for about 10 seconds.
As I was getting into the shower, he decided that he wanted to play with the "jumping balls" (cotton balls). So, he opened up my little (glass) jar (calm down everyone ... it's very sturdy and he's very careful), and busied himself with them while I was in the shower. By busying himself, I mean that he emptied the jar of the "jumping balls" and then threw them all over the room. Some of the balls had gotten wet, so one stuck to the closet door like a spit ball.
Once I was out of the shower and dried off, and the "jumping balls" were put away, he decided to get into our shower and "clean" it. Which meant that his pajama pants and shirt got wet, and he tracked dampness all over the bathroom.
After finding some random trash under the guestroom bed while I was ironing, we returned to the bathroom so Mommy could do her makeup and her hair. And so Allen could run from a lion. This involved him slamming the bathroom door, and saying, "Oh no, a yion! It's gonna get me!" and then turning off the light. And Mommy saying, "Turn on the light, please." And Allen trying to reach to turn the light back on, unsuccessfully, and Mommy turning on the light for him. This happened about three times until, against my better judgment, I told him that the lion is afraid of the light, so he should leave it on so it will go away (yes, I know I just invited a fear of the dark, but Mommy needs her makeup).
At some point during this interchange, the lion made it underneath the door and into the toilet. Which called for repeated flushing of the toilet. Mommy's repeated pleas to stop flushing the toilet and wasting water were ignored, so Mommy pulled the lion out of the toilet and dried it off (Allen joined in too). I told him the lion was nice, and it was licking my toes. He didn't notice that though, because he discovered that there was a baby lion in the toilet now.
On top of having no respect for our earth, my son apparently has no respect for animals either, because he started to flush the "baby yion" down the toilet as well. Mommy explained that it wasn't nice to try to flush it down the toilet, but that he should be nice to the baby lion. His response was, "Awww, baby yion" followed by a kiss ... right on the toilet seat.
After Mommy stopped gagging, she rescued baby lion from the toilet, closed the lid, and explained (again) that the toilet was not the place for baby lion or for Allen to play. I then told him that the baby lion jumped into the box (a small wicker box we have in our bathroom, filled with random books and toys for Allen). That finally distracted him.
Somehow, even with all of this distraction, Mommy was able to get herself and Allen ready in about an hour and fifteen minutes. And, if I do say so myself, I looked pretty darn cute!
I hope ya'll enjoyed reading about what life is like in the mornings with Allen. While it is frequently challenging and frustrating, life is never dull with him around.